smart talk with elderly 101

While we were at crayola factory, my son said: mom, i really cant explain why i find baby so cute and beautiful…

i: i think because she is your sister, that is why u find her cute…

son: but my friend L finds her so cute also and baby is not his sister… there must be something about this baby that makes her so cute and beautiful…i have to investigate…

i: maybe because of her cheeks or tiny nose/fingers and toes…

son: i dont think so because other babies are tiny too…i guess its because of her smile…every time she smiles, she makes me feel good, i just love this baby…

i: but all babies smile, what is the difference? they are also cute when they smile…

son: i now know…it’s because i love her, that is why she is too cute and beautiful…

While on our way home from our family bonding, the flurry began…We thought that we will have a very cold and nasty weather as we travel back home but we were wrong… the flurry stopped and as soon as we stepped out of the car we were in enthralled by the beautiful view— light snow sticking to the grass and trees…I made a comment saying: look son, it is so beautiful

son: yes, mom! it is so beautiful! look how pretty the grass and the trees are, they are as beautiful as u!

i: (i was really surprised with his comment!) thank u son, i didnt know u find me beautiful as the view outside…

son: u are pretty mom because i like u, u are a good “nanay” (mom in english) to us… u always take care of us… u love me, dad and baby…

I was so happy when i heard him say that, i was so proud of him. I am really in awe that as early as 5 years old, my son sees beauty in the heart of the person and not just the physical attributes. I just hope and wish that he will continue to be like that as he grows older. 

I want to share a very heart warming conversation with my son that happen a few hours ago…

i: oh no! i am already late…

son: its ok mom, u just have to catch up with time…

i: son, u cant catch up with time…when u lose the time,u cant have it back…that is how important every moment is…

son: i know, i know…the earth continues to rotate and orbit around the sun…it doesnt stop rotating…that is why, time doesnt stop…that is why u dont have to worry or be annoyed with lost time because we cant never have it back…

i: right! no matter how annoyed or frustrated i am because of the lost time, i cant have it back…

son: that is what i meant of u just have to catch up with time…u just have to do what u need to do and what u can…

i: good thinking son…there are things that we cant control like time but we can always control our attitude towards it or reaction towards a situation affected by time…

Today is my father’s birthday. Despite him being born on a leap year, we were able to convince him to celebrate his birthday on the 28th of February. 

I want to honor this day for my dad “tatay”. We love u always and we are so proud of u and if we are given the choice to choose our parents, we will definitely choose u as our father.

Every time i think of u or speak with u over the phone, i am always reminded of the 3 things u taught me. Back then, i didnt realize how important they were. You taught us these:

1. being honest— as far as i can remember, u always tell us to be honest at all times even if it hurts…to be honest with words, food, money…
2. being cool— u were and is always cool, i always wonder why u never worry…when i was young i thought u just didnt care but i was wrong, u do care but u just didnt worry…
3. being loyal and loving— family was always ur 1st priority… u taught us that family will never be replaced, that is why we have to value them always.

These values are very much needed in this new world. Thank you for preparing us for this, i dont think i will be able to be this person without this teachings. I hope i will be able to pass this on to my children.

Again, THANK YOU for being a father and for being my father..😉

I made my son watched the talk of Angela Duckworth–Grit… He was so amazed and made good comments…

son: so mom, if we fail, it makes our brain grow…so if i lose in chess or in a game i should think about that so that i will be happy. It really makes me angry at times because i try so hard and i still lose…

i: that is a good way to accept defeat…

son: right! that’s why baby learned to walk at 9 months because she didnt get angry or feel bad every time she falls, she tried and tried, that is why she is running and climbing now…next thing we know she will be riding the bike…i guess she will learn to bike faster than i because she is never scared. 

i: you are definitely right about that but now that u know that it is good to lose or fail, then maybe u will be able to have more fun playing…

son: yes! win or lose it is good for me and my brain…i will learn more and have more fun knowing that it is still a win for me…wow! that is really wonderful…i should teach baby that so that she will not be angry or frustrated if she falls or fails…

I was surprised an hour ago when my son said this…

son: mom, i guess it is ok to lose sometimes…winning is good but losing is as good as winning…

i: why are u telling me this? i thought u like winning…

son: of course, i like winning…i guess all people like winning…but we dont win all the time…like when i play chess, i lose more than i win…like when i play basketball, i cant shoot…its really hard for me…

i: why is losing as good as winning?

son: it is very good because it is teaching me that what im doing is not working…so i have to come up with a new technique or strategy…it means that i have to try harder…

i: that is good…did somebody tell u that?

son: oh no, i just thought about that…

i: its great that u realize that as early as now, i hope u will always think about that every time u are in a situation…have u heard of Thomas Edison or Albert Einstein?

son: no, who is that?

So, i guess its time for me to tell my son about them…

i would like to make this short and sweet 😉 THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the support. I will not be able to reach this chapter without YOU…

This is a follow up conversation from part 1. So when my son compared love to an ipad, i asked him:

i: so if ur love recharges like the iPad, how many minutes does it take to go back to 100%?

son: from 2 hours to 1 day…

i: what?! why 2 hours to 1 day? 

son: mom, if i get angry at a person or at something that somebody did, my love goes down to 99 percent then goes back up to 100 percent in 2 hours if i really really like the person…if not really, it takes almost 1 day to recharge to 100 percent…

i: so, who are the people that u really really like?

son: hmmm, family of course, the others not really but even if i really dont like them, i try to like them so that i would love them 100 percent again…then i dont get angry. anymore then i play with them again…

i: how do u try to like them?

son: it’s easy, i just tell my brain that i like them a lot lot lot then my love recharges back to 100 percent…i dont get angry anymore…

i: wow, that’s amazing! i didnt realize it is that easy…

son: it is really easy, u just have to tell ur brain then that’s it…after all, i think they also get annoyed at me sometimes..like when u get angry at me but u still love me 100 percent…so i just tell myself not to be angry anymore and love again that person 100 percent…it is that easy, why? u dont do that mom?

I really wish i can be like that…i learned something from a kid, i hope u will be able to learn something from this simple conversation as well…

Lastnight before going to sleep, i had a conversation with my son about love. 

i: goodnight, i love u, sleep tight, dont let the bugs bite…

son: goodnight mom, i love u…we love u…baby, dad and i loves u…

i: i know..and we love u too…just like we all love baby and dad…

son: do u know that sometimes i am angry at u and dad or baby…

i: it’s ok to be angry at times…but does that mean that u stop loving us when u get angry?

son: when baby broke my toy car or tore my favorite book, i was angry at what she did and a little bit angry at her…i love her 100 percent and when she did that i love her 99 percent…

i: does that mean that every time u get angry at her ur love for her gets lesser and lesser?

son: oh no, what im saying is…if im angry at her, i get angry at what she does and a little bit at her…so instead of 100 percent love, it becomes 99 percent…then i realize she is a baby…then my love for her recharges…just like my ipad…it gets low battery then it recharges…it always goes back to 100 percent…

Since i shared about the conversation i had with my son about snow, i would like to take this time to share our conversation about rain a year ago…Every time it rains i am always reminded of this conversation…

One rainy afternoon, i was taking my son to go to his yearly appointment with his pediatrician…

i: oh no! its raining, i really hate it when it rains especially when im driving…

son: mom, rain is good…its always fun to play in the rain…

i: i dont like it when it rains…i like the sun more than the rain…

son: but mom, if there will be no rain, then there will be no plants and flowers…remember, u told me that plants and living things need water?  and u also said that u like looking at the flowers…u will not be able to see beautiful flowers and view when u are driving if there will be no rain…the farmers are usually happy when it rains…we will be able to pick good fruits if the trees had enough rain…

i: oh ur right, i should not complain…rain is important.. i should enjoy rain even when driving… thank u for reminding me…(to be honest, i was embarrassed with myself, a 4 year old kid was teaching me not to complain and to enjoy every situation)