smart talk with elderly 101

I had a mind opening conversation with my son about tv…

son: mom, i think watching tv makes you dull..

i: why do you say that? You have been watching tv almost all day long

son: i mean, not all thats in the tv is true because i watch something today and the kid says that the stars twinkle…we know that it doesnt twinkle, it just looks like it does from earth because of the moving air…if didnt know that, i would think like the kid on tv…

mom: not everything that is on tv is true, lets take a look at the advertisement, most of it are not true, they just say it so that you will buy the products..

son: how will i be able to know if what is on tv is true or not? it is hard to tell, are you able to tell?

i: i wouldnt be able to tell unless i tried the product or item…i would only be able to tell if i know an information for a fact like when you knew that stars dont twinkle..that is why you dont easily believe what is said, you have to check or investigate and really analyze…it is hard most of the time but at least its good that you realize as early as now that there are truths and lies everywhere

son: oh! why cant it be all truth? that way we will not be dupe..

i: because that is how it is, there is always good and bad, truth and lies..that is why you are always given the choice, the choice to do good and bad, the choice to say the truth or not, the choice to believe or not….

son: oh, its complicated…

Recently, my son has been learning to play the game of chess. Of course, he wonders why the king doesnt have the move of the queen and why is the queen protecting the king and not the other way around..

son: mom, why cant the king protect the pawns and the officers?(meaning the rook, knight, bishop, queen). Why does it need protection from the others?

i: because he is the leader and ruler of the kingdom, if the king dies then the castle is taken over by the other king..

son: oh, that’s why… i just wonder, because the queen is trying all the time to protect the king, its just like baby trying to protect me, it should be the boy protecting the girl..

i: in chess, everybody is protecting the king because he is the leader, without the leader, there might be chaos and there will be no peace..

son: but shouldnt the king protect its people? he shouldnt be the king if he cant protect its kingdom..he shouldnt be called a leader if he cant lead his people…

This was the end of the conversation because i dont know how to explain and answer… I wish it is easy to explain things to a 5 year old…Note: any inputs is greatly appreciated😊

One day at work, i had a very heartwarming conversation with my coworker. I was asked this question: “what if you were given the chance to travel around the world with someone, who will that be? why?” This question gave me a moment of silence because i couldnt really decide instantly, i have to think of my husband and kids. I have to weigh things out and explain why i picked that person. I ended up thinking about this question the entire day at work. So eventually when i went home, i asked my son, i am curious of his response, i am excited to know whats on that child’s mind. I know he will have a good response, i just cant predict who will he take to travel with him. When i asked him, his response was…

son: i will take you and dad and baby

i: you have to take 1 person only.. you can take anybody, he/she can be a friend of yours or anybody you want..

son: ok… i will take baby with me.

i: why baby?

son: because baby is the cutest and i want to take her with me. You have dad and dad has you. So, i will take care of her and take her with me. After our travel, we will tell both of you of the nice places we went to then maybe baby and i can take you and dad to the beautiful places so that you will have fun too…

I was speechless and was so proud of him. I didnt expect that answer. My daughter is surely fortunate to have him as a brother.

A few days ago, I had a serious conversation with my son about change. He knows as early as when he was 4 years old that according to Buddha “Change is permanent.” His version of this is “Everything changes, the living and the non living things included.” However, even if we talked about this multiple times, he still struggle with change. I really cant blame him because, I, sometimes have a hard time dealing with change but I think that if as a kid you know this principle, it would be easier to deal with life as we grow older.

At first I was having a hard time explaining to him why we need to embrace change. This was the conversation:

son: mom, I really don’t like change…

i: son, we already talked about this a lot of times..

son: I know I know, everything changes…even my pencil, eraser, shoes, my pet, baby, you, dad and myself…. everything inside and outside earth changes!

i: that’s right! you already know this, so why are you complaining?

son: its just hard…i know that everything changes…i just don’t want it to change, i want it to stay the same

i: i agree, most of the time we don’t like change but we cant prevent/stop change. ..it will happen eventually so we have to embrace it…ill tell you a secret…when there is change, there is challenge because it is something different than you are used to…there is discomfort, you don’t know what to expect sometimes…but along with this is—discovery and learning; that’s very exciting then finally growth, you get to be a better kid. So, always keep in mind that when there is CHANGE– there will be challenge, discomfort, discovery, learning then GROWTH. Change is always worth to embrace.

son: wow! that’s a lot of things to remember about change…

-to my followers for making this possible, without your support i will not be able to do this

–to my family who is my inspiration in doing this blog

–to my friends, fellow bloggers, mentors for helping/challenging me

–to God (most of all) who makes all things possible

One of the perks of working with the elderly is that you get the opportunity to meet people who reached a 100. To me, this is a blessing and i look up to them as extraordinary people, i am always in awe every time i have a conversation with them. And as always, i never fail to ask this question: “is it worth reaching 100 years old?”

In my almost 10 years of working in this elderly setting, i have met/conversed/laughed and joked with 8 elderly who were 100-101. All of them, 8/8 answered my question with a big/muffled/soft/sad NO. All of the 8, said its not worth it. This is surprising to me but i still asked them why.

Their response were: 

1. “It is just a number, along with that number –you have pains all over your body, you cant walk, you cant do all the things that you used to do before”

2. “It is good to reach this milestone but if you dont have the sound mind–half of the things you do you forget. I dont think its good.”

3. “It is your family who is making you hold on to life, but there comes a point when it is too tiring to hold on to that”

4. “You get to eat whatever you want but if you dont have your taste buds like you used to have before, its really not worth it”

5. “A lot of the people pampers you, they do what you ask them to do for you but it just makes you think that you are helpless at this age”

6. “You tend to realize that you start to be a burden to your family”

7. “You get to see your great great grandchildren but you are not able to play or even carry them because you are unable to move your arms”

Their response gave me a different perspective of life.😊

Yesterday, when i came home from work, while i was at the door, my son asked me again.

son: mom, was i born brown?

i: why are you asking me this question again, we had this conversation already.

son: i know, i know..i was thinking because if you said apples come from apple tree and oranges come from orange tree..how come they change in color after a few days?

i: what do you mean they change in color?

son: like the red apples and  banana on the table, after a few days it gets darker, or gets to be browner because it gets rotten…am i like that? am i getting darker each day like the fruits on the table

i: son, sometimes you get browner because of the sun, the more you expose yourself to the sun, the browner you get..but you are still brown in color…

son: oh! how come papa God made different kinds of color of people? why not just one color?

i: God created different colors of people because he doesnt want earth to be a boring place to live..like the fruits and vegetables, it taste better if there is a mix, fruit salad and vegetable salad taste better than just a single fruit and vegetable..

son: you are right! earth is happier and lovelier to live if there is a mix of people like the mix of fruits and vegetables.. wow! papa God is so cool….

Lastnight, while we were having dinner, my son asked me this question. I was really surprise of the question but i nonchalantly responded: why do you ask?

son: i am just curious…when i was born, was i already brown?

i: of course you are already brown, why? dont you like it? 

son: i like it, i was just wondering as to why others are lighter and darker than me..some people say to me, i am tan..what does tan mean? does it mean brown?

i: yes, that is what they meant.. they are telling you that they like it.. 

son: ahh, am i brown because i wash my hands and shower a lot of times?

I was trying not to laugh while explaining to him because i know this is a very important question to him: son, that is your color because that is our family’s color..it is just like the fruit tree.. an apple tree cant have apples and oranges at the same time..so if it is an apple tree, it bears apples..since mom and dad have this color, you also have that color…

son: oh, that’s right..apples and oranges have different mommy tree..

i: good, im glad you understand..tell you what, it is not really important what color you have, what’s important is what kind of heart do you have..do you have a nice heart or a not nice one?

son: a nice heart..

i: that is what is important…i hope you will always remember that…

Talking about time to a 5 year old kid is for me a little complicated especially if the kid knows about earth’s rotation. Lastnight, my son just said nonchalantly “mom, what will i do while waiting for next monday? Its a long time for the week to be monday again!”

i: why do you want it to be monday again?

son: so that i can play with my ipad. (note:monday is the only day i allow my son to play ipad)

i: you can play..do your homeschool..i thought 24 hours is not enough..

son: it is not enough sometimes but waiting for another week is so long..i wish i will be somewhere in asia..

i: why?

son: because they are ahead of us with time, i can play with my ipad when its sunday here in north america..

i: just do your homeschool and play or read..you will notice that its monday again

son: i do my homeschool but baby’s chubbiness and cuteness distracts my heart, that is why my 24 hours is not enough but my 1 week is long..

Kids are so precious, they remind us about our perception of time, we are so excited to do future things to the point that we sometimes neglect to do the “now moment”. We sometimes forget to live by the moment…

While i was baking apple orange bread, my son said “i have a lot of work but so too little time”

I was caught off guard by his statement, so i asked him what does he mean by that.

He answered “i have so many jobs, i have to do my homeschool work..i have to do my legos..i have to do my basketball practice..i have to sleep..i have to eat..i have to play with baby..so many things to do and i only have 24 hours, that’s too short…”

I have to explain that each person is given 24 hours everyday, we have to learn to manage our time so that we are able to do our job or work..we have to learn to prioritize our activities, we have to do whats important to us..we have to learn to balance our time so that we will always be happy and content… (it is sometimes hard to explain to a kid about all this things, i wish it is so easy)