smart talk with elderly 101

Today is the day when east cost will have 8-12 inches of snow. With this, a lot of things goes to an adults mind: do i go to work?  would i be safe driving? would i make it in? do i need a babysitter for my kid since they will not go to school? do they have school today?… All of these and more will run through our mind. But do u know what goes into a kids mind when there is a snowstorm?

son: mom, its snowing, its snowing!

i: i know i know, i have to go to work, hopefully the roads will be good..

son: it will be ok…yehey its snowing, yehey its snowing…

i: why are u happy? dont u know that people might get stuck because of the snow? some may not be able to make it in to work or home…some may have an accident…

son: oh, i didnt think about that mom, i am happy because i will be able to play in the snow…remember u told me that we always have to enjoy every moment? dont worry about the snow…just enjoy it…u will realize it is really fun…some might be sad or angry about it but others will be happy about it too…

i: u are right…maybe i should enjoy it..after all, its part of nature..we cant control it, we just have to look at the best of every situation…

I sometimes take my son to work and he would talk to some of the patients in the nursing home, he knows what a walker, cane or wheelchair looks like and what is it for. One night, we had this conversation…

son: mom, i dont want you to get old…

i: why do u say that?

son: i dont want you to have so many pain and i dont want you to be having a hard time walking…

i: but everybody gets old…

son: i know i know but i dont want to see you with pain walking…

i: that is part of life, we get old..people who dont get old, die young…

son: oh, i dont want that…i guess its ok if you get old, i will take care of u and dad…baby and i will…😊

During our lunch today, my son asked me that question. I was really caught offguard with the question. I was unsure if he was testing me or trying to figure out if i would prefer baby over him or the other way around…

i: why are u asking me this question? it is both fun…

son: i just want to know which is more fun to u…i want u to choose only 1, u cant choose both…

i: but it is the same to me…they are equally fun…

son: u have to choose only 1 and tell me why…

i: ok, to me it is more fun to play with a kid because they are able to follow instructions, babies are not able to follow instructions…i am also able to understand the kid coz they tell u what they feel and want, with the baby..u have to guess sometimes…how about u?

son: ah ok…to me, it is more fun playing with a baby because they are too cute…like when we are at a party and im playing with my friends then i see our baby, i get distracted, her cuteness bothers me…it makes me stop playing with my friends and play with her…i guess baby girls are just too cute especially if they hug u back…

i: that’s sweet…maybe when she gets older, u have to tell her that, she would love that..she is so fortunate/blessed to have u as her brother…

Lastnight, before sending my son to sleep, i asked him which is more fun to play with: a toy or a kid?

son: ahhhh, a kid to me is more fun to play with than a toy

i: why is it more fun?

son: because the kid talk and move and play with me while a toy doesnt…a toy is also fun but playing with a kid is more fun…how about u mom? let me guess, you will choose the toy, right?

i: if i were a kid, playing with another kid will be more fun to me than a toy…why did u say i will choose the toy over the kid?

son: oh, i was thinking u will choose the toy because you dont want it when its too noisy, kids are noisy while playing with a toy is quiet…that is why i thought u like the toy over the kid.

i: it is always fun when you play with a person compared to a toy like ipad, train or any other toys…but when u become an adult, there will be times when u want to have some silence so that u can think better..there are times when u just want to spend time with urself and relax…but it doesnt mean that u will not spend time with other people…playing/interacting with other people makes u learn from others and share ideas and with that, u grow to be a better person…

Before my son turned 5, i asked him what he wanted on his birthday. I made him choose between having a party with his friends or a family vacation. I gave him time to think, i told him that he has 3 days to think about it. So after 3 days:

i: son, have u decided on what you want on your birthday? 

son: yes, i have decided. It was hard to choose because this would be my 1st birthday party ever if i choose a party. If i choose a vacation, we could travel outside US and i would be able to ride the airplane again.

i: so, what is your choice?

son: i choose a vacation with family.

i: why? dont u want to have a party? dont u like gifts from friends?

son: oh! i like it but i choose vacation so that baby, you and dad can also enjoy. I like to travel, remember? It would be so much fun, i would be able to ride the airplane again and visit our family in the Philippines.

i: are u sure about this?

son: im sure about my choice. Both are fun but i guess traveling is so much fun because we will do it for weeks, a birthday party is just one day.

i: good thinking and good choice.. Do you know that there will be a time when you would rather spend time with friends than family? Or would rather have a party than vacation?

son: i didnt know that. Maybe by that time, i will still choose a vacation over a party.

i: we will see 😊

I was in a grocery store with my son over the weekend and we have the following conversation:

son: mom, do you have money?

i: why do u ask?

son: i was hoping i could buy something…is $1.05 expensive?

i: it depends on what it is, what do u want to buy?

son: its not something that i need, its something that i want only…i really like to eat M n M…

i: ah ok… (i felt guilty after what he said…i finally cave in and put the M n M in the grocery cart)

son: oh wow! are you buying M n M for me? thank you mom, i know we dont need it…thank you…(saying this while hugging me)

i: there are times when u have to buy what u want, u just have to make sure that u use your extra money and not borrow money for something that u can live without…its like rewarding urself…u have to make sure that u learn how to save money…

son: ok…thats good…in happy u have extra money for my M n M because im ok if u will not buy it… i know its not healthy anyway…

i: thank u for understanding…

I have a friend who takes my son out for a date, my son always get excited every time she would text me and say, she will be taking him out. She would take my son wherever he wants, it would be a 3 to 5 hour date. She is like family to us so we trust her with my son. One day, she took my son to toys r us, she was planning to buy him something from the store because every time she takes him out, he would suggest going to the park, eating at chickfila so that he can play with the other kids and nothing more. She always wonder why he wouldnt ask for a toy or any other thing. So, she test is out by taking him to toys r us. The conversation goes this way..

my friend: this is toys r us, i want you to check out the toys and tell me what toys you like

son: oh, i love toys..i like the train, its my favorite..

my friend: why dont you choose a toy then i will buy it for you.

son: thank you but you dont buy what you want, you buy what you need…

my friend: it’s ok, i will buy you a toy that you want

son: but i have toys at home, you only buy what you need, not what you want..

my friend: its ok, we will tell mom and dad that its a gift from me.

son: but its not my birthday and you only buy what you need not what you want..when we come here at toys r us, i play with the toys here and when im done, we go home.

my friend: ok then, we will go home when you are done playing.

So to make the story short, they went home and my friend was telling me that she convinced him more than 20 times to buy a toy but he outrightly refused her more than 20 times and say he doesnt need it…I just wish, his mind will not be poison by too much technology nowadays…he is 5 so it is too early to tell..crossing fingers..

One sunday morning before going to church, i asked my son to give me 5 things he learned about life…

son: why 5? 

 i: 5 coz you are 5 years old

son: ohhh, you should have asked me when i was 3 years old

i: so, just come up with 3 to 5 things you have learned

son: ok… these are the things that i have learned…

1. everything changes, so we have to embrace change
2. you cant escape dying (these are his words, he didnt say death but dying)
3. the only thing that can live forever is the immortal jellyfish but they can be eaten so i guess they also die (i didnt know anything about this immortal jellyfish)
4. the world is changing for the worse because the sun is getting bigger, it will crush mercury and venus (i didnt know about the sun getting bigger, he knows more than i do since he is into solar system)
5. nobody is perfect, only papa God is perfect..

I didnt expect these answers but it was so worth it. I hope he will always remember and apply this learning…

I have been happily working in the nursing home for 8 years. These are the things that i have learned and realized that helped me grow to be a better/bitter person.

1. leaving your family member in the nursing home is acceptable and normal = i grew up in a country without a single nursing home, so imagine the shock i have felt when a family member would leave their parents/loved ones in the nursing home forever.
2. common sense is not common = doing an inservice to fellow workers is mind whacking, despite showing pictures and demonstrating the proper way with step by step procedures, staff still couldnt get it.
3. living in the irony of life = working in the healthcare system, we have to pay high cost medical/dental insurance…imagine paying $1100 per month for a family with a $4000 deductible and $12000 maximum out of pocket
4. if you worked all your life, you will get less when you get older but if you didnt work at all, you get all the perks medicaid/section blah blah can give you = Unfortunately, patients who have worked all their lives saving money and owning a house should give up everything just to be able to live in the nuring home. However, those who didnt work a day in their lives can live in the nursing home without spending a thing since they dont have anything to spend anyway.
5. there is no place like home = patients who doesnt have a choice but to stay in a nursing home because they are not safe to go back home alone or whose family is not able to care for them anymore are lonely. They always remind me of Dorothy from the wizard of Oz saying there is no place like home.
6. not to take patient’s nasty comments personally = how will you react if a patient you are helping to get better will tell you to “go back to your country, you are just milking the foreigners” or somebdoy saying ” i dont want to see anybody oriental” All i can say is that every person is entitled to its own opinion, if that is how some patients see me, so be it. I cant change their beliefs. I just have to remember that they must have been brought up that way or there is a reason as to why some people have a strong dislike to others.
7. people working in the nursing home are easily burned out = staff resolves the facility’s problems, patient’s problems, other staff’s problems and when you go home, you have to deal with your own problem and family issues.
8. my kids might leave me in a nursing home in my old age = it is funny, when i told my husband about this, he seemed sad but i told him ” we grew up in a place where there is no nursing home, so we will never think of leaving our parents in a nursing home but we are in this country wherein you see nursing homes everywhere and part of the culture here is leaving your parents in this place when the right time comes, so i have trained myself to accept the fact that we will end up in one of the nursing homes. It is painful thinking about this but this is our kids culture so we have to accept it. This could be prevented if we go back and retire in the place where we were born.”

Anger is a very strong emotion that can ruin health, disposition and relationship. People have different ways of coping anger. My son is able to cope anger by thinking of a cookie, he stated that thinking of his favorite cookie calms him and make his anger go away. I, on the other hand cope with anger by shutting down, i dont yell like others, or bang things to make a statement or make snide comments to instigate anger on others. I just shut down, i stop talking to the people im angry to. If talking is necessary, i try to be very civil to this people, “no show”of emotion. I thought that it was the best way of coping anger and i thought it was best for everybody. I didnt realize that most of the people i know would rather have somebody yelling, banging things, making snide comments. I didnt know that coping anger the low key way is worse than doing it the physical way. Now, i know… So, how do you cope with anger? Comments, suggestions, reactions are welcome.